Operation Drop the Kids off at the Pool

Moving bowels and the Borrego Springs heat can be dangerous mixtures that can make one do some crazy things. It can even make one disregard social standards to get a job done. 

Over the three-day weekend two friends and I decided to embark on a random, spur of the moment camping trip out in the desert. Next thing you know we are running through slot canyons and exploring the wild desert. Cooking hot-dogs on sticks and knocking back some Lunchables kept my stomach satisfied for the two-day trip.  

As we headed home it hit all of us in the car that we had not pooped in three days. We were all loaded, cocked back, and ready to shoot and something had to be done about it. The briefing was assigned, and we knew had to find a bathroom. Keep in mind, we are passing through the small, “desert gem,” Borrego Springs with a population of 2 Grandmas. There are not many places to stop. But we do see something that looks like it could be a town center or town mall. We knew that had to be the drop zone. 

Like a swat team pursuing a bank robbery we busted out of the car and tactically swarmed around the building to the back of the building to where the bathrooms are. My friend is right in front of me and we spot the men’s bathroom logo on a single door. He kicks down the door like a detective and closes it behind it. He left me standing there behind the men's single bathroom door, prairie-dogging it with no one but a friend around me Borrego staring at the miles of desert behind me with no one in site. As I danced around doing the Aztec two-step, I stopped and took one look at the single women’s bathroom door. I knew what I had to do. I had to do it. It was the only way without failing the task at hand. I turned to my friend and asked,

“Call me crazy, but what do you think about me crashing into that women’s bathroom and dropping some Chubacca Chuncks?”

My friend replied, “Dude we are in Borrego, no one is around.”

With the conformation I therefore rammed the women’s single toilet bathroom and dropped trou. I really let it go and it was ground zero. The smell was horrendous and the sight was even worse. 

Towards the end of the operation and almost feeling full relief, I could hear women’s voice outside the door. A sense of pure terror went through my brain. Then off in the distance I could hear the voice of at least three more women. I knew right then and there, I was caught.

There was only one way out and I had to take it. I washed my hands and slowly opened the door. As the smell bellowed out behind me, I looked at a women’s face right out side the door, staring at me, giving me a look of fear, then a look of disgust as the waft caught her nose. 

Sometimes to compete a mission, rules have to be bent and social norms have to be forgotten and you can't think twice about it. Especially when you are in Borrego.